Do you ever have days when you wonder what your younger self would think if she saw you now? As a mom, being pulled in a hundred different directions each day, it’s easy to feel like less than your fabulous self. Our sense of identity can sometimes get “lost” in the shuffle. But it’s so incredibly important to hold on to your sense of self. Remaining fabulous is not about looking fabulous, it’s about feeling fabulous and being your best self. It is possible to be a mom and also be fabulous. Sometimes it can be a struggle in a world of diapers and tantrums, but it is doable. How can you remain your fabulous self? It all boils down to a few main areas:
Self-care, self-care, self-care! I can’t say it enough. I never even knew what this was before having kids, because frankly, my whole life was self-care. Self-care can mean different things to different people. For me, it’s taking 20 minutes to do yoga before bed. It’s taking the time to use one of my favorite Lush bath bombs. It’s spending a full half hour doing my makeup. And of course, coffee. Nothing makes me happier than sitting at home with a HOT mug (it’s gotta be a mug) of coffee in my hands. I can be sitting with two crying babes on my lap, with those god-awful Kids YouTube videos playing on the iPad, and as long as I’ve got my mug, I’m good.
I’m a stay at home mom, but I still like to get up in the morning, shower, and some days do my makeup even if I’m not leaving the house. Why? Because it makes me feel good about myself. It makes me feel like a member of the human race and because I can still see some semblance of myself when I look in the mirror. Take the time to feel good about yourself.
Being a glamazon at heart I also need to stay up-to-date on the latest makeup trends and products that are out there. How do I do this as a stay at home mom? By subscribing to a monthly beauty box. It brings me such joy to have this show up at my door once a month and be able to feel like a real girl. Playing with my beauty products is my favorite naptime activity.
Find your favorite forms of self-care and make time for them throughout the day.
Time for yourself is definitely part of self-care, but it’s important enough to be its own category. If you haven’t locked yourself in your bedroom while your toddler is throwing a temper tantrum on the other side of the door you haven’t lived (am I right?). We’ve all been there. And If you don’t take time out of your day to be completely alone and recharge your batteries you.will.lose.your.mind. Just taking 5 minutes to sit alone to do some breathing exercises can make a world of difference. Exercise, take your dog for a walk, whatever you need to do.
The greatest thing I’ve learned about alone time is that you need to schedule it! Put it right on the calendar and treat it as a commitment that needs to be honored just like your yearly physical. You know, the one that you secretly look forward to because you get to spend 45 minutes alone in your car, catch up on some magazine reading, and have someone give you samples of medication.
At least one night a week I flee the house as soon as my husband gets home from work. I also escape early one morning a week before he leaves for work. Whether I’m wandering around Target or typing away at Starbucks, it’s MY time to be alone with my own thoughts for a few hours. That way, even if our week gets chaotic, those times are set.
It is NOT selfish to take time for yourself. It is not selfish to need to spend an hour away from your kids so that you can go get an ice cream cone alone and cry in your car (been there). And it’s certainly not selfish to want to FEEL like yourself – not your “old” self, because she never went away. She may have gone into hiding for survival’s sake, but she’s always been there.
Find the things that make you feel totally free for a short time, and give yourself permission to enjoy them.
Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, your personal relationships are so incredibly important. It’s easy to alienate yourself from your social circles – you’re tired, busy, maybe you even have some PPD. I get it, I was guilty of distancing myself in the beginning too. But you need these personal connections beyond your bubble of home and your workplace. You need kid-free time with other adults where you are not preoccupied thinking for yourself and the other human beings you’re responsible for. If it’s difficult to pin down a date to get together with your girlfriends, make a standing date (ie: The first Friday of every month). I have a couple of girlfriends that when we’re together for a night out, we make a date for our next get together that evening and put it right on our calendars. It might be a month or two away, but that’s OK.
The same goes for your significant other. Your husband/boyfriend/wifey/girlfriend/fur daddy/sugar daddy – whatever you call them, make time for them as well. Even if you can only get it together for one date night a month, you have to do it.
You are more than parents, you are a couple!
Don’t dress the way you feel, dress the way you WANT to feel. I know many of us are not 100% happy with our bodies after having kids. It can be tempting to hide your body under ill-fitting clothes. But, wearing clothes that hide your body don’t necessarily hide your “flaws”. What it can do, is accentuate the parts of your body you’re trying to cover up and make you look messy. If you dress like a dumpy mess because you feel like a dumpy mess, then you’re not going to feel any better about yourself. I stay home every day, but that doesn’t mean I need to wear sweats all the time, I’m not a hobo. If you stay home, get up, shower, and put on clothes. I guarantee you, you’ll feel ten times better. And let’s talk about yoga pants. I enjoy lounging around in my yoga pants as much as the next gal. And sure, they make your ass look nice, but you can’t feel good about yourself living in yoga pants all of the time. I’m sure you look way more fabulous than you think, show off what you got, mama!
If you’re headed out for a night out, dress it up girl! I love love love a gorgeous pair of heels and I wear them every chance I get! The higher the better has always been my motto (my husband refers to this as short girl syndrome). In my book, heels = instant confidence. I know there are many women who do not agree with me on this. To each their own, and if heels aren’t your thing, wear something else that makes you feel fabulous. BUT make sure it’s something special. Don’t forget about your accessories!
FIND AN OUTLET
Cooking class? Bike riding? Social group? Stop saying you wish you had time to do these things and instead make them happen. Finding something that makes you feel creative, independent and alive is so important.
My oldest is 3 years old, and in 3 years I haven’t been able to find the right group of moms that I “fit in” with. SO, I took matters into my own hands and created my own group. I call it a “play group” for moms – no kids allowed. We’re called Moms Who Like to Drink Wine. We meet monthly to sip and paint, go to trivia, taste wine, etc. (Our first outing is this month, I’ll be sure to keep you posted on how it goes). I just wanted to find a group of likeminded moms – no not necessarily moms who like to enjoy a big glass of wine, but moms who are just as stressed as me. Moms are flaky, I get it, it comes with the territory, but I’m looking for moms that won’t flake out and understand what a necessity a good night out with other ladies is. I couldn’t believe how many people wanted to join within the first few days.
Find your outlet!
PURSUE YOUR PASSIONS
What do you, or DID you love to do before having kids? Shopping? Marathon running? Roller derby? Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you have to do stop doing those things. In fact, it’s even MORE important for your self-esteem and mental health that you continue to do those things!
Have you ever felt like you don’t even know WHAT you used to do for enjoyment? I totally went through that. I’ve been on this crazy journey trying to discover/rediscover those things the past few years (more on that in a future post). Rediscovery is not a bad thing. It’s exciting and weird but it’s all about personal growth and finding the things that make you excited to get up in the morning (besides the faces of your beautiful family, of course).
Writing has always been a secret passion of mine and this is what brought me to creating a blog. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you have to put your dreams on hold. Want that promotion? Go for it! Want to learn photography? Take a class! It’s never too late to pursue a passion.
Set your goals, and work towards them.
When it comes to remaining true to yourself, and the things that you love, doing so can be difficult as a parent, but it is possible. However, doing so effectively does take a little bit of planning. We give up a lot for our kids, but if we’re not taking care of ourselves (physically, emotionally, and mentally) how can we be our best selves to take care of them? Don’t neglect that girl inside of the “mom”. She’s still there and she deserves a little attention too. How do you remain fabulous?
For more self-care tips, read my favorite strategies here.Remaining fabulous isn't about looking fabulous, it’s about feeling fabulous and being your best… Click To Tweet How can you remain your fab self? With the help of the Everyday Moms Guide to Remaining Fabulous! Click To Tweet
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